


Survival Training

by chaineddove



Category: Bleach
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-21
Updated: 2008-12-21
Packaged: 2017-11-01 00:56:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/350213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaineddove/pseuds/chaineddove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Byakuya invites Ichigo for tea.  Ishida attempts to teach Ichigo the fine art of tea ceremony.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Survival Training

“What the hell?! Why the fuck am I supposed to go to this much trouble over a cup of tea?”

Uryuu does his best not to twitch in annoyance. “It is a _bowl_ ,” he says primly. “And furthermore, if you continue carrying on this way, you can feel free to go back to Urahara-san and take him up on his offer of teaching you how to do this. Believe me when I say I wouldn’t mind in the least.”

“Fuck that,” Ichigo says, predictably. “He’d teach me how to do it _wrong_. On purpose. That’s the kind of bastard he is.”

“How can you be so sure I won’t do the same thing?” Uryuu wants to know.

“You’re too anal-retentive to screw it up,” is Ichigo’s prompt reply. “Listen, you said you’d teach me, so teach.”

“Well then,” Uryuu tells him. “I suggest you sit down, shut up, and listen.”

“Can’t we just, I don’t know, swish some teabags around?” Ichigo asks somewhat forlornly.

“The really sad thing is, I actually believe you _would_ ,” Uryuu says with disgust. “I told you, you’re free to leave if you want. I’m hardly going to stop you. I have several things to do that are infinitely more interesting than trying to teach you the intricacies of tea ceremony. Calculus homework, for instance.”

Ichigo heaves an annoyed sigh. He sits in an approximation of seiza and looks at the incomprehensible supplies scattered around. “Okay, fine, whatever. So there’s a bowl. Now what?”

Uryuu sighs as well. “You really are uncultured, aren’t you,” he mutters. “Do you happen to know whether it’s going to be a simple chakai or something more formal? I really don’t have the setup to take you through chaji.”

Ichigo stares at him blankly. “What,” he says, looking progressively more hopeless.

Uryuu looks at him, really looks, and realizes two things: one, Ichigo is actually serious about going to this tea with Captain Kuchiki, and two, he has never seen a tea bowl in his life and will likely be so overwhelmed with trying to not make an idiot of himself that he will not retain anything Uryuu teaches him the day before. He almost wants to ask how in the world Ichigo managed to get himself invited to tea at the Kuchiki manor on such short notice, but he’s not sure the answer will make any sense. “Never mind,” he says. This is no time for fine details; he has to teach survival.

“Hey,” Ichigo says defensively. “I can totally do this. Are you making fun of me?”

“Listen,” Uryuu tells him. “You take the bowl, you turn it, you drink, you pass it back. Then you try to keep your mouth stuffed with tea cookies or whatever he’s serving for as long as you possibly can so that you are not required to speak.”

“That doesn’t sound so hard,” Ichigo says, relieved.

“You’ll survive,” Uryuu tells him. “Probably.” If he doesn’t, that’s one less irritant in Uryuu’s life. Everyone wins. “Give Captain Kuchiki my regards,” he adds. “And try not to slurp.”


End file.
